You’re Not Paleo…and turkey burgers with roasted brussel sprouts and chipotle sweet potatoes

So for my second week of yeast and mold free lunches, I went with another no brainer. I had a massive sweet potato from CSA pickup I needed to use, and a fierce craving for brussel sprouts (this happens often). I decided to make turkey burgers to go with them. i love turkey with sweet potatoes. Makes me so happy. And I knew I could eat this every day for lunch and not get sick of it. : ) And I made guac to go with it…once I get on an avocado kick, it really sticks with me. I go through phases where I eat avocado almost every day for a month, then wont touch it for another month. No idea why. I do the same thing with fruit. I have had an apple and a brown rice cake or a granola bar a day for about 2 weeks now. I know I should try and add more variety but sometimes I get stuck. Or tired.

Now. That IS, in fact, soy “cheese” on my burger. For everyone who told me “Just eat soy cheese” when I complained about not being able to have cheese, I still say screw you, and forbid you from calling it cheese. It isn’t. However, I had a vegan best friend growing up and got used to stealing these pepperjack slices from her fridge, so I like them. But they aren’t cheese. When I say cheese, I am talking about a beautifully moldy, stinky, sweaty block of love. And there ain’t no replacement for that. However, I feel so damn good not eating it that it is going to be okay. While we are talking about me feeling great, I would like to make you a promise that I am not going to be one of those obnoxious people trying to get you on whatever bullshit fad diet they have become obsessed with and don’t want to be alone in. And I’ll tell you why.

It seems like everyone and their mother lately has turned Paleo, and while these diets can be applauded for the self-discipline they require, I want to smack everyone that is bajabbling about this lately. Its Atkins all over again. WHICH, by the way, brought scurvy back in to our lives. In case you forgot. If you go outside every morning, hunt and kill something for your dinner and gather some fruit and vegetables, THEN you can call yourself Paleo. And if you are doing that, please try killing a bunny for your next meal, its awesome. Until then, STFU. I am pretty sure the cavemen’s last meal before they died at age 45 wasn’t bacon wrapped meatloaf. That’s not healthy.

Secondly, everyone suddenly has a food allergy. Hello. But lets place the blame where blame is due. We are genetically modifying the shit out of everything we grow to eat. The gluten in wheat now is not the gluten it originally was. And we now put grains in more things than need to have them as an ingredient. We spray our farms and we stuff our animals and ourselves with anti-biotics and pills we don’t need. Then we complain that we don’t feel well. Myself and several of my friends have felt like shit for damn near a year, only to find out we are allergic to what we are putting in our bodies. Its too much to bear. And then things like this happen and my brain implodes. I understand that I was born with an additional helping of common sense. But really? It’s okay to genetically modify food and stuff chickens full of pills in a weird, shit filled cage but it is NOT okay to eat something out of the ground at an organic farm? And its okay to BLEACH a ton of food when there are people fucking DYING every day from not having the goddamn luxury to have such a bounty? SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. Start taking responsibility. Buy from better sources. Demand that things change. It is so expensive to eat healthy nowadays, and it is getting VERY out of hand.

The point is this. Read labels. Choose wisely. Eat a balance of all of the food groups. Cook some things, dehydrate some things, and eat some shit raw. Listen to your body. Have a drink and a Dorito every now and again. Most importantly, RELAX. We eat to LIVE. Choose a “diet” that can be a lifestyle. If you obsess over avoiding certain things, all you are going to do is make yourself crazy every time a new study comes out like this nonsense about how leafy greens will kill us all.

Now. If you ARE currently avoiding grains, remove the flatbread from the below recipe, and have at it! Its super easy and incredibly satisfying. My favorite kind of meal to make.

Serves – you for 4 days!

Nutrition – Yes Ma’am!!!! You done good, gurl!

Ingredients –

1 lb lean ground turkey
1 clove garlic*, minced
1/2 onion
2 TB Tapatio or hot sauce of choice
1 tsp Paprika
Freshly ground salt and pepper
slicies o soy pepperjack
whole wheat flatbread

1 unbelievably ginormous sweet potato*, or 3 regular ones
1 TB chipotle chile powder
1 tsp red pepper flakes
Freshly ground salt and pepper
1 TB olive oil

1 lb brussel sprouts
2 TB olive oil
Freshly ground salt and pepper

Preheat your oven to 350. Clean, peel and dice your potatoes. Mix with listed ingredients and spread in a single layer on a baking sheet. You are going to roast these for an hour. And check out the size of my CSA potato! Go go organic farming! haha.

While your potatoes cook, cut your sprouts in half and toss with oil, grinding salt and pepper on top. These can be set aside, and then added to your baking sheet when there are 20 minutes left on the clock.

Dice your onion and mix with the ground turkey and your other ingredients and form in to 4 patties and grill for about 10 minutes, or until just cooked so it doesn’t get dry and gross. Top each with a slice of cheese. Spread guacamole or whatever you like on half your flatbread and place the burger on top. Then fold!

Serve with your spicy sweet potatoes and sprouts! Noms away!

*CSA Ingredients

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4 thoughts on “You’re Not Paleo…and turkey burgers with roasted brussel sprouts and chipotle sweet potatoes

  1. This looks really good, and I believe you and I share a similar philosophy about eating- that it’s important to eat a wide variety of foods. I never said eating leafy greens would kill you, though…in fact, I said to eat more of them, and to just be aware that it’s not necessarily good to eat them only raw. Just wanted to clarify that.

  2. Haha I know, I was being dramatic and I am sorry that you had to be the example. between working in fashion and my foodie friends, every day one someone has read something and is going on and on about how I should put down whatever I am eating. Are you eating a whole egg?! Egg yolks will make your eyes fall out! Are you eating peanut butter? That’s loaded with fat, no wonder you haven’t lost any weight!!! Didn’t you read that whole grains cause cancer?!?!! Put that down! I have stopped eating red foods entirely, and you would too if you were smart… they cause a plague!…and so on and so forth. And your article happened to be one of them, and a friend of mine read it on bookface and told me to stop drinking green smoothies. People read things like that and take them way too seriously and overreact.

  3. Paleo isn’t the same as Atkins. Paleo doesn’t require you to cut out all carbs, just in the form of grains etc. Atkins, IIRC, doesn’t allow you to eat high carb fruits. Also, don’t tell people what they can and can’t call themselves. You’re not the paleo police. Some people try to replicate a caveperson’s lifestyle, others don’t find it necessary.

  4. Actually, I am the Sheriff of the Not Paleo Justice League. I never said it was the same as Atkins. I said this diet craze is Atkins all over again, in that people are obsessing over it because it is a TREND and while that’s fine for fashion, you can’t fix the damage done from eating bacon every day for six years. Entire civilizations have thrived on whole grains, and very successfully. I don’t see why its suddenly necessary to demonize quinoa, but at the same time, I really don’t care. This is a fun blog, not a serious one! Given your name, I am sure you agree.

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