I can feel myself going fucking crazy. In that really energizing way that makes your eyes hurt that there is so much that you can see.
For the last year I have written and unwritten so much, and have not really said a word. I walked away from my entire life, and I didn’t even really say goodbye. I think this last year was just observational, mostly. I isolated myself to an alarming degree for a bit and I tested different variations to see what I naturally gravitated towards. Where I wanted to go and how I want to get there. Every year I curate cleaner, its so fucking refreshing.
I think I want to have a different career for every decade. I tried to have two at once and that didn’t work and I had to choose…Fashion was a blast, but food has been even better cause everyone’s fed. I laugh almost all day everyday.
So food it is. Maybe it always has been.
I called Seth and he said “I want you to picture me with a small silver dish. Its ornate and bejeweled. In to it I am going to pour “I told you so’. I’m going to dip just the tip of my pinky in it to savor the taste, and then throw the rest right in your face.”
I haven’t felt like this since I moved to NYC and met Amy and then Ruby and basically lived with them at Moe’s Bar. I had never felt a sense of community like that before, and I chalked it up to some fleeting moment of magic that only exists when you are young. Alcohol. The newness of living in New York. But it was none of those things. It was us. It was that moment. And I want to pass that on. Goonies Part 57. Something to come from the Age of Narcissism besides my pretty face.
Really I have just decided that like my bff Lynn, I am a great dream wrangler, and I want that to be my life. I want to live every day making someone else’s slightly better, and making efforts towards actually making a difference. Charlie calls it the Stutts Center for Living. One day I shall go door to door. I cannot be at a fucking desk. I don’t even like being on the computer to type this. And that makes things REALLY hard this day in age. And I can’t decide what to do about that. I dream of doing an Anti-Kickstarter, to see if I can’t gather more of what we need by innovation and actually bringing the community physically together in the age of social anxiety.
If only I could do that to get all the people I wish were here, but Thom and Cara and Frank and Scarlet and Mark and Kevin are, and they make me feel like a goddamn force of nature. I know that with all the absolutely mind-blowingly smart and talented friends that I have met across this amazing lifetime, scattered across this world, I can make this great. And I work with some crazy badass, hardworking people. (I’m looking at you, Case-y and BoyRon, even though BoyRon did cook a triple, super sick, which was taking badass too far.) And of course Niels, our Underlord. Charlie or Robin talk me down damn near daily at this point…My stress level is probably the highest it has ever been. Fortunately my excitement level is the highest it has ever been, so if I keep them balanced for at least 23 hours of the day, then I think I will only have one nervous breakdown per day, and that I can really just chalk up to not sleeping like I am the parent of a newborn. I did just almost eat a rubberband absent mindedly grabbing at my plate while working, and I keep catching me, arguing with me, out loud at the hardware store. My mother suggested I take picture of me with a birdhouse under my shirt and a wedding veil on my head that might as well carry the tagline “Fuck it, I am having a restaurant!”
So picture that here. And stay tuned. I’m going to get back to getting high on paint fumes now. And learning how to build shit. Cause you know…Food. Clothing… Wanna guess my next career?
But for right now, Hello, my name is Pakt! As in, your food is packed and ready. As in, we are making a pact with the community to respect it. Sustain it. This will be a place for you to Eat. Drink. Work. Play. We will cater your office lunch, cook for you in your backyard. UPAC is across the street. We will make you dinner before the show. We will deliver a mason jar of salad to your office and refill it the next day. There is so much I want to do. Build a couple hydro walls in this baby, for one.
Here is a little taste of the progress in the space so far…
And also BoyRon and I being stupid way too early in the morning and then way too late at night.
So yeah! That’s what has been going on. Amped for the future. Need so much help I don’t know where to begin, but excited to share it with you.
With Love and By Hand,