Just Kidding. Although I really should have taken a video of this ordeal. You would have had several wonderful, long laughs. I got a chicken from my CSA farm and it was covered in pin feathers that I removed with tweezers while alternately gagging and crying. Then I roasted it upside down because I am a multi-tasking, sleep deprived idiot.

Regardless, look how ugly/pretty and delicious it turned out for a first try! I was very proud, so I am sharing the recipe so you can do it right. : )

First, The Story of Me and Chicken.

Okay. So I was a vegetarian for about 15 years of my life. I have only recently starting eating birds. I have seen factory chickens. It is horrifying and depressing and DISGUSTING. They are pumped full of antibiotics and are covered in eachother’s shit. I don’t look at birds and think “I want to put that in my mouth.” BUT they are much better for me than red meat and they keep me full, and now that I have found a way to make them NOT dry, and have a trustworthy farm, I am all in. The CSA chicken was 8.64 pounds and after the pin feather debacle, was a joy to work with…and eat. Knowing that he got to walk around and play and was completely natural made it worth it.

Herb Roasted Chicken with Potatoes and Asparagus

Nutrition – This involves a lot of butter, but I am not a big skin eater so its not so bad for me.

Ingredients
1 chicken*
1 onion
1 bunch asparagus, snapped of the bad ends
10 little red potatoes
10 new or fingerling potatoes
1 head garlic*, cut in half
2 lemons, 1 halved, 1 cut in to fat rings
1 bunch fresh parsley, half chopped
1 bunch fresh thyme, half chopped
1 bunch fresh rosemary, half chopped
1 stick or so of butter
Fresh ground sea salt
Fresh ground black pepper

So, first I had to clean, trim (i cut off the neck and weird tail thingie)… and pluck the chicken. I used tweezers and tears. I do not know another way. Supposedly you can buy wax for this, but I learned that afterwards. Now I have kitchen tweezers I hope to never need again. Here is a nice shot of that that includes my boobs.

Then you brine the chicken in your own way, I usually half ass chicken brining and just salt water it and refrigerate for a few hours. When you are ready to roast get out your roasting pan/tray combo of choice. I dont own a roasting pan, so I used what I refer to as my “lasagna” pan. Probably not as deep as it should be, but I made due. Preheat your oven to 450, and then start your chicken prep. Stuff the garlic, lemon, half of the herbs (whole) and onion in to the cavity of the chicken and prepare your herb butter. Carefully melt the butter (if you go overboard it will separate) and mix in chopped herbs along with some fresh ground black pepper.

Then the fun part. You need to separate the chicken’s skin from its body so you can rub it with half the herb butter, inside and out.

Me flipping you the bird…from inside the bird!

After your bird is stuffed and buttered, put it in the oven at 450 for an hour and fifteen minutes, basting with juices from the pan every 20 minutes or so. While this is cooking, toss your potatoes and asparagus with the remainder of your herb butter.

When you hit the hour and fifteen minute mark, add your potatoes to the bottom of the roasting pan and continue cooking for another 45 minutes, adding in your asparagus when there are only 20 minutes left. Such a beauty!

Take the bird’s temperature, it should be about 170 degrees, and then as it rests it should reach 180. Mine after resting was at 150. At this point, I realized that the chicken had been upside down the whole time. After about 5 minutes of cursing, I pulled the veggies from the tray, flipped the bird, and roasted for another 30 minutes, until the breasts were cooked to 170, and then pulled it back out. Then I went a step further into failure land and absolutely massacred the thing trying to carve it. The Bee did manage to get a nice breast off the carcass for me. And it was SO GOOD. The best chicken I have ever had!

Just make sure that you put the bird on the pan the right way, and that you get a chicken you DON’T have to pluck. ; )

*CSA Ingredients